Political and Lawyer Jokes
Diapers and politicians should be changed regularly; for the same reason.
Politics from the words Poly, meaning many, and Ticks, as in small, bloodsucking parasites.
A jury consists of twelve persons chosen to decide who has the better lawyer.
The local bar was so sure that its bartender was the strongest man around that they offered a standing $1000 bet.
The bartender would squeeze a lemon until all the juice ran into a glass, and hand the lemon to a patron. Anyone who could squeeze one more drop of juice out would win the money.
Many people had tried over time (weight lifters, longshoremen, etc.) but nobody could do it.
One day a scrawny little man came in, wearing thick glasses and a polyester suit, and said in a tiny, squeaky voice, Id like to try the bet.
After the laughter had died down, the bartender said OK, grabbed a lemon, and squeezed away. He then handed the wrinkled remains of the rind to the little man.
But the crowds laughter turned to total silence as the man clenched his fist around the lemon and six drops fell into the glass.
As the crowd cheered, the bartender paid the $1000, and asked the little man, what do you do for a living? Are you a lumberjack, a weight lifter, or what?
The man replied, I work for the IRS.
Q: How many lawyers does it take to change a light bulb?
A: How many can you afford?
Murphy, a dishonest lawyer, bribed a man on his clients jury to hold out for a charge of manslaughter, as opposed to the charge of murder which was brought by the state. The jury was out for several days before they returned with the manslaughter verdict. When Murphy paid the corrupt juror, he asked him if he had a very difficult time convincing the other jurors to see things his way.
Sure did, the juror replied, the other eleven wanted to acquit.
Q: What do you have when you bury six lawyers up to their necks in sand?
A: Not enough sand.
Bureaucracy is a challenge to be conquered with a righteous attitude, a tolerance for stupidity, and a bulldozer when necessary.
Q: Why dont snakes bite attorneys?
A: Professional courtesy.
Q: How can you tell the difference between an attorney lying dead in the road and a coyote lying dead in the road?
A: With the coyote, you usually see skid marks.